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The wedding customs of the Orang Sungai Buludupi sub-ethnic group in Kinabatangan are divided into seven distinct stages. The process begins with the Merisik (preliminary inquiry) tradition and concludes with the Sambut Menantu (welcoming the bride or groom) ceremony. Below is an outline of the stages involved in the wedding customs of the Orang Sungai Buludupi:

8. Jarum-Jarum (Preliminary Inquiry)

In the Jarum-Jarum tradition, which refers to the Merisik (preliminary inquiry) custom, the groom’s family typically sends one or two representatives to the bride’s family home to gather information about the prospective bride’s status. The purpose of Jarum-Jarum is to determine whether the woman is single, engaged, or married. If the woman is single, the representatives from the groom’s side will express their intention to propose a date to be decided later. This process is an initial step to ensure compatibility before moving to the engagement stage.

9. Menawo (Proposal Ceremony)

The Menawo tradition, which means proposal ceremony, is a central element in the wedding customs of the Orang Sungai Buludupi. It marks the first official negotiation between the groom's and bride's families before formalising the marriage bond. During this ceremony, both families appoint representatives to serve as spokespersons and conduct the discussions. These representatives are typically well-versed in marriage customs, articulate in communication, and adept at handling sensitive negotiations. Their skill and diplomacy are crucial in ensuring the discussions proceed harmoniously and without offending, even if the outcome may not favour one party.

Thus, the Menawo ceremony begins with the presentation of the Pengawang Basaro, or opening gift, by the groom's family to the bride's family. This gesture carries deep symbolic significance, representing respect, noble intentions, and the groom’s sincerity in proposing. The Pengawang Basaro often includes cash, a sheathed machete, a coil of wire, a gold ring, and a men's travel bag, which is left at the bride's house as a symbol of the engagement. Additionally, the groom's family contributes to Belanja Badung, covering the costs of the proposal feast as a token of appreciation for the bride’s family.

Once both parties reach an agreement, the marriage gift, known as "Ssur" in the Orang Sungai language, is negotiated along with other marital arrangements. The bride's family typically determines the dowry amount, which can range from RM 10,000 to RM 30,000, depending on the groom's financial capacity and his family's economic status. Traditionally, the dowry is set between RM 100 and RM 300. Once a consensus is reached, a gold ring is ceremonially placed on the bride’s finger by the groom’s representative—often his mother—in a ritual called Penando, which signifies the official engagement. Following this ceremony, the bride is expected to conduct herself with decorum and maintain behaviour that reflects the dignity of her engagement status.

Another custom addressed during the Menawo ceremony is Kelangkahan, also known as Langkah Bendol, which applies when a younger sibling marries an older sibling. This tradition requires mutual agreement between the families on its implementation. A final critical aspect of the Menawo tradition is determining the timeline and date for the groom’s family to deliver the dowry (ssur), signifying the final preparations for the wedding ceremony.

10. Mengossur (Dowry Handover)

During the Mengossur ceremony, all the requested dowry items from the bride’s side must be presented per tradition. Both parties will formally reaffirm the agreed amount of ssur (dowry). Typically, all dowry items are placed on trays adorned with intricate handicrafts. The bride's family usually reciprocates by presenting trays as a gesture of gratitude and joy during the handover ceremony. The number of trays is traditionally odd, with no fixed limit. However, the number of trays from the bride's side often exceeds those brought by the groom’s side. During this ceremony, representatives of both families will finalise the wedding date and the schedule for the solemnisation of the marriage.

11. Gabbpie Tullau (Henna Night)

The ceremony occurs at night, typically one day before the marriage solemnisation, which occurs the following day. The groom's family sends a set of supplies for the henna application ceremony to the bride's family. The bride and groom hold separate ceremonies at their respective homes, attended only by close family members. The activities during Henna Night often include traditional events such as Bertimbang (a ceremony for shaving a baby’s head), Berzanji, Marhaban recitation, and the Qur'an's completion. According to the customs of the Orang Sungai Buludupi community, both the bride and groom are encouraged to practice Tullau, which involves staying awake throughout the night to avoid having bad dreams or omens.

12. Nagnikah (Solemnisation)

The next day, the bride and groom are officially married at the bride’s family home. The wedding ceremony is conducted according to Islamic teachings and is complemented by various customary practices to ensure the couple is ceremoniously recognised as husband and wife. These customs include:

• The Okab Lawing Custom (Opening the Door)

The Okab Lawing custom, which translates to "opening the door," is a tradition that occurs before or after the solemnisation of marriage. If conducted beforehand, a representative or escort of the groom presents a monetary gift to the bride's representative as a gesture to initiate the solemnisation process.

More commonly, this custom occurs after the solemnisation of the marriage is complete. Its symbolic purpose is to signify the groom's right to unite with his bride, who is now legally his wife. Additionally, it serves as a symbolic payment, granting the groom the right to touch his wife and marking the beginning of their lawful marital relationship.

After completing the Okab Lawing, the groom is escorted by his father-in-law to greet the bride’s family and guests. Once the greetings are completed, the imam leads a thanksgiving prayer, and the groom is escorted into the bride’s bedroom.

• The Pengawang Ambat-Ambat Tradition (Gate Opening)

After completing the Okab Lawing tradition, the groom is escorted by his father-in-law to greet the bride’s family and guests. Once the greetings are completed, the imam leads a thanksgiving prayer, and the groom is escorted into the bride’s bedroom.

The groom’s best man or escort plays a crucial role in negotiating these obstacles. The process often involves light-hearted banter, exchange of rhymes, or humorous bargaining over the payment amount. This activity is lively and joyous, reflecting the community’s cultural values and strong social bonds.

• Penemmil (Blessing Ceremony) 

After the groom successfully navigates the obstacles during the gate opening custom, the couple participates in the Penemmil tradition, a blessing ceremony. During this event, both sides' parents and close relatives bless the bride and groom, symbolising their hopes for the couple's happiness and prosperity. This tradition also signifies the union of two families and welcoming a new family member.

• Menemo (Feeding Ritual)

Next is the Menemo custom, a feeding ritual performed by a respected representative from the bride’s family. The representative feeds the couple with white rice shaped into small balls and boiled chicken eggs, symbolising sustenance and the start of their married life together.

• Baring Tarugan (Ceremonial Lying Down)

Finally, a designated family representative ceremonially lays the couple down together on the marital bed (Tarugan) three times in succession. This act is accompanied by loud cheers and joyful exclamations from the family members present in the room, enhancing the celebratory atmosphere. After completing this custom, the representative leads the couple out of the bedroom to proceed with the reception ceremony.

13. Nagsanding (Reception Ceremony)

The bride and groom are seated together on a ceremonial wedding dais. This event is to publicly present the couple to the wedding ceremony attendees. During this time, family members from both sides and a few distinguished guests perform a blessing ritual as a gesture of blessing for the marriage.

The ceremony is traditionally repeated on the third night, known as Ratub Tello’, and again on the seventh night, referred to as Ratub Turu’. During this seven-day period, the newlyweds are prohibited from stepping on the ground as part of customary taboos designed to ensure their well-being.

During this period of seclusion, the couple receives guidance through counseling sessions led by experienced mentors, including Tok Guru (spiritual teachers) and Mak Andam (traditional wedding stylists), to prepare them for married life. Additionally, a Ceremonial Dining event is held during this time, symbolizing respect and reinforcing cultural values within the institution of marriage.

14. The Tingkuang  (Welcoming the Bride Ceremony)

After seven days, the groom’s family formally brings the bride to his home to introduce her to his extended family. This tradition marks a new phase in the couple’s life as they become part of the groom’s larger family. Before entering the house or its compound, the Penemmil ritual is performed, symbolizing blessings and prosperity for the couple. During this ceremony, the bride and groom alternately step into a copper tray filled with various traditional ingredients, such as rice, flowers, and specific leaves or blossoms believed to bring goodness and protection. These ingredients, known as the Penemmil mixture, have been passed down through generations in the Orang Sungai community.

As they step into the house, the couple is sprinkled with turmeric rice, referred to as Begkas Bianing. This act symbolizes gratitude to God for the smooth journey of their marriage and is also believed to bring good fortune and happiness to their household.

During the ceremony, the bride receives a special gift called Pengennik from the groom’s family. This gift symbolizes love and the bride's official acceptance as a new family member. Pengennik typically includes valuable items such as jewellery, traditional fabric, or other heirlooms that are unique to the groom's family.

To conclude the ceremony, an imam leads a thanksgiving prayer, offering blessings for a happy and prosperous married life. Following the ceremony, the couple is encouraged to visit other family members' homes as a sign of respect and to strengthen familial bonds. These visits also allow the newlyweds to introduce themselves more personally to their relatives and receive advice on married life.

In many Tingkuang traditions, the first visit is often accompanied by the bride and groom's parents, who act as intermediaries in introducing the couple to the wider family. This activity emphasizes the importance of family values and reinforces social ties between the two united families.

Tuan Hj Muminin Hj Norbinsha. Sabah Association of Bangsa Sungai, Lot 6, Block B, 2nd Floor, Midtown Plaza,Lintas Road, 90000 Sandakan Sabah. 12 November 2024.

KAN Panglima Abd Aziz Angau. a) Sabah Association of Bangsa Sungai, Lot 6, Block B, 2nd Floor, Midtown Plaza,Lintas Road, 90000 Sandakan Sabah. 12 November 2024.